He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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