Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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