You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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