Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
