Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
