This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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