drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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