Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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