Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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