I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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