Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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