I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
