Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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