remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize