we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
