I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
