umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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