I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
