I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
