Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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