i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize