You made me cry and you don't even care
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize