Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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