I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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