I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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