moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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