i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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