I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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