from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
one two three fourrrrnication!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
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