The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
