I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
