Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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