At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
