I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
