The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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