you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
