Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
