He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize