Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They left me at home... I'm a liability
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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