I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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