you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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