I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
