I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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