Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
