i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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