there's paper in my vomit.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
