Can Purell be used as lube?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
