he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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