I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
