Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
