I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
