Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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