Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
