Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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