I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
