Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
