You really coming over, don't trick.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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