Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
