I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
