the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
