i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
