Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
