this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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