I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
