If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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