she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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