The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
