i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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