did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize