From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
