just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
