I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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