My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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