I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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