wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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