dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
